I don't care what people think of me, I'm gonna write what I truly feel right now. I feel so helpless, angry and whatever indescribable feelings that may fit. It may be from stress, it may be from bottled up feelings and all. I feel like no one cares how I (would) feel as long as they get what they want. This has been going on throughout July and I hate it so so much! I can't tell anyone but silently cry out tears full of my feelings. Then after awhile I'll think about it and try to laugh it off. No matter how hard I try to make things right, there'll always be this hole in my heart pierced by such a sharp arrow and this wound can never heal, just continue bleeding more and more. If this goes on, I'll go crazy!!! I might just start talking to walls ya noe! No wonder my temper so short in July, just look at last Sat during that Campfire thing, I nearly shouted in public. On Monday, I let go a bit, but not all, I know myself, I can still control. People are just taking advantage of me because I don't talk back. I don't retaliate or shout back at them. I will only express my feelings in my so-long-never-write diary, so-long-never-update blog or through hidden meanings, like poems. I thought when both my brothers are finally allowed to go home everyday (U n NS) I can talk to them. I can get help for my hw. I have someone to lend me a listening ear. I'll be the so rotected and loved small sister. But no, I get none of this. Instead I get back the jealousy that used to fill me. The jealousy that my mum prefers my 2nd bro. To me, he gets the priorities. This is just my opinion, but tell me, what makes me come to this solution?? My eldest brother, I thought he can spare some time for my Maths, instead he comes home like at 12 midnight after tutoring another Sec 3 kid somewhere. It hurts ya noe! Then nobody cares if I have a project dued or a test the next morning, they just want what they want. Nobody knows when I'm on the verge of giving up, of just ignoring my responsibilities. There's friends, teachers and parents in this. All is pressing on me. I just can't open my mouth to protest, I can only open my mouth a gap and close it back before replying, "Ok..." I just can't. I don't know how to say no. I know what I'm doing is something good to help others, but it costs myself. I'm not sincere in doing what I do and also my own things are left unfinished, what's the use?? Someone please help me...