Welcome to my life...

2005-07-12T15:35:00.000+08:00

I have decided that it is time to change so, click here to direct to my NEW BLOG.

2005-07-08T22:38:00.000+08:00

I told myself a lot of things. I promised myself so many empty promises. I told myself not to sigh or fall into despair that I must always stay positive and never give up no matter what. I always told myself to not be rude to my parents, to always respect them, at least on the few special days like their birthdays and Hari Raya. But, I've never kept these promises. They're broken year after year...

Today's my dad's birthday. I was so fine the whole day. Eventhough there's this awkward moment this morning when I gave him the present since my mum was the one who asked me to do it then and she sorta fought with my dad last night. I was ok. Watching tv, reading Tallie's 'novel' and doing chem and all. While I was in my brother's room, I found a long forgotten present my eldest bro gave me on one of my previous birthdays. It was a fantasy short stories book. Well, I love fantasy stories very much, so while watching Extreme Makeover, I thought I could read the introductions page as well as a story or two before I do my work. But my dad had to interrupt and ask me, "Why are you reading a storybook? Shouldn't you be revising?" I was starting to get frustrated then. I'm just the kind of person who can't be pressured, forced, agitated, provoked and such la. I replied that I'm just gonna read the intro and a story or two. Then he starts suggesting I go and do my Maths and lectured me on my Maths mid-yr results. Maths! Maths! Maths! Hearing it can already make me puke ok! Everyday got Maths in school not enough meh? I stayed till 5 plus to finish my Maths assignment5 on Wed not a step meh? It's very irritating! I told him that I just did my Chem TYS (which I really did for a few MCQ qns of Electrolysis) and that when I'm in school, I do the exercises Mr Yong gives us and when I'm at home, I do the past year papers we're supposed to do. Just as I said it, my dad challenged me, "So, if you do so much Maths, how come still fail?" Grr... I decided to retaliate and said that my problem with Maths is that I take too long to answer a qns (which is actually just part of the reason la) and geez he just had to reply, "Then work on it!" I just had to pass somesarcastic remarks as I threw thefantasy book as hard as Ican in my bro's room. I have no idea where it flew.

Some people may think, "Oh normal what. So?" But I hate being asked to do the things. I had alreadsy planned to do Maths over my weekend and I'd told myself I'd join the weak students for Wed lessons when they revise the whole book from the start. I thought for today I'd do some Chem qns and the Eng ws. As for the Malay compo, I thought I'd fit it somewhere tonight and tomorrow morning. But now, HE MADE ME SO STRESSED I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE STUDYING AT ALL!!!!! Why must he provoke me?? He kept saying, "Go and ask your bro Maths qns" day after day! Like what qns?? I haven't even do the ws and how'd I know which I can do and which I can't. This is so infuriating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My life is always planned. It's not as controlled as some teenagers out there but there's always this plan set for me! It's not like I'm restricted or something, but it's just that my plans are always ruined because there's last minute decisions. It just makes my blood boil! (Btw, remins me of Siti's qns, at what degrees do blood boils? Honestly?) My schedule is so tight.

Btw, getting back to the first para. The other day was my mum's birthday. I was trying to be kind, to be helpful, to be cheerful on that day and the next. I failed alright, I failed. My mum asked me to sms HER friend to ask her to e-mail me a pic she wants. I was happily blogging that day (look at 1st July or 30th June entry where it's cut short) and she had to spoil the mood. Can't she call her friend instead?? Well, obviously no. So ok fine, I was pretty angry at why she can't do it and my mouth just shoot off. I said a sharp bold "Later" and my mum got so mad at me that I don't care about her birthday, that if it's our birthday she gets things done (I didn't know what to buy her. So it was late prezzie and it's rather cheap la huh. I had reason though... School just reopened. My bro's broke. I can't spend all my money on her 'cause my dad's boirthday also coming and both my brother's are broke and my dad pretty much don't careabout birthdays, not even his sometimes.) that why must I beso defiant, why I can't do such an easy task for her. OK FINE! I took my hp and started to sms. The details: I only know she wants a pic and HER friend's malay. She didn't say any other details 'cause she's too busy putting me down (Like hello, her other two larling sons didn't even WISH her happy birthday and wealth and health and stuff. I didn't have a present in the morning, but I wished her well before I went to school and when I returned, I'd bought a scarf for her. I thought thoughts count in a way. She wears scarf so why not? She's always feeling down on her birthdays so isn't it just right I gave her some well wishes??). Back... So well, I smsed in polite fluent Malay (except for 1 sentence) and asked her friend for a pic my mum told her about (which I thought she did). So well, the next day, my my, I got ashock when I received an e-mail in ENGLISH, NO MALAY EXCEPT AT THE BEGINNING! She made me sound like I can't speak English or something (which my mum believed when I was young just because I was too shy too converse). Then the pic her friend sent was also wrong since she DID NOT tell her friendwhich pic exactly. So well, respect gone there.

I'm so bad at sequencing.... So well, back to the 'Maths issue'. I got so stressed up after hearing so many Maths that throwing a book damn hard is not enough and I just had to grab my head and cry in the kitchen. Always. This always happen. I felt like dropping A-Maths or better still, to just kill myself to end my misery. That's how far I was stressed up ok... I have absolutely no idea how to survive in JC...

Another issue: I wanted to write in my diary, too tired to write. I wanted to sms someone, but who? I wanted to talk about thiswith someone on msn, but I'm sure I'd get feedbacks I don't wanna hear. I had no place to vent my frustration, to cool myself, to tell all that happened, to just make myself feel better. I had nowhere to turn to but my blog... which is rather safe since no one reads it, except maybe Zakiah (thanks ya). I feel so sad. I really thought I have a bi circle of friends, that my friends would always understand. But today I realise, who would actually sit down with me and lend me an attentive ear and caring heart and just let me talk non-stop? Who would actually listen to the whole story without interrupting and just nod in aggreement? Who would actually read my smses the instant I send to them andreply immediately to reassure me. I do not know. You (whoever you are if you're reading this which I doubt anybody would read since it's so long 'cause of all the pent up feelings and alike) there, you tell me. Would you care enough to listen, to reassure?

Wow, I took 1 hour to write this. At least I've stopped crying... Very sleepy now, good night dear diary. You're the only one who would listen, reassure, keep and the list goes on. Very tired now. I really feel like giving up. I've been holding to Wilson's words. C- Consistent P- Persevere F- Focus. I'm strong enough. I'll survive. Not only that, I'll prosper (dunno what word la)...

2005-07-07T20:29:00.001+08:00

Ahoy there! Haha, not much update in my life... Same cycle everyday, school home school home. But I just feel like blogging after reading so many blogs.

Ever since the VP told us to take someone as a role model, I've looked around and notice my classmates and friends. I think my role models would include William, Tallie, Shi Yun and Hidayah's friend, Fitri. Let's see...

William - 'cause he's smart, hardworking, consistent, focused and have initiative. I say he's focused 'cause no matter what others say, he'd just do his work. He knows his goal and keeps to it. He just doesn't waver!

Tallie - She's just so smart! Haha... Her thinking is very matured. We can see that through her essay writing and her opinions and stuff. She's doing so well in almost all her subjects! And yet she still has time to write stories and play the piano. Wah... I get home from school I'm already so lethargic and in the weekends, I just want to rest andregain my strength.

Shi Yun - Well, what can I say. It's obvious that she's very hardworking and consistent. Her PSLE result is a little lower than mine yet she's doing so much better in Sec school than me!!! She really has discipline... Time management too. She used to be in CO and a comittee member of Student Council and she doesn't have trouble (or at least looks so) juggling them with her schoolwork!

Fitri - Eventhough I've only met him once, there's nothing but admiration. I like his style. Find the patterns and tactics to make your life MUCH easier! This brings me to what my brother and Mrs Tay said. Look for patterns! You'll get a clearer picture, sorta. Since 3 people have said this, perhaps I really should apply this ya? Fitri like taught me and Dayah how to do 3x3 inverse matrix and the tricks to number sequence. I was just going, "Wah.... Really??"

Watched Singapore Brainest Kid. Hmm... some of them knows better than me. Oh well...

Today Dia last episode. I think I'd better go now towatch 647km2 on Suria, the only documentary (is it that?) I ever watch. So, yeah, tataz!

2005-07-05T20:41:00.000+08:00

Lyrics to Puteri by 2D

Kau datang tanpaku sedar
Didalam kegelapan
Beserta keyakinan

Dan ku hanya bisa menyanyi
Tentang kehidupan ini
Tanpaku mengerti...

( korus )
Dan... langit menjadi biru
Dengan kehadiranmu, oh sayang
Adakah ini satu cabaran
Ataupun satu pertemuan

Kau puteriku
Kau menghias ruang istanaku
Kau sentuh dan kau kucup tanganku...
Beri keyakinan di dalam jiwaku
Sebagai petanda kau puteriku...

( ulang korus )

2005-07-05T20:35:00.000+08:00

Lyrics to Cenderawasih by 2D

Cenderawasih burung kayangan
Tuanku putih kilau keemasan
Pandanglah hamba si gagak hutan
Sebelah mata pun hamba tak terkilan

Cenderawasih burung kayangan
Tuanku putih kilau keemasan
Adumu bercadarkan pintalan gemawan
Tidur hamba beralas reranting hutan

Tak hamba terkelindan sayap dipatahkan
Tak hamba terkilan telur hamba dipecahkan
Hamba akur dengan suratan
Hamba akur dengan kehendak Tuhan
Hamba akur berketurunan bermandi hinaan

Cenderawasih burung kayangan
Tuanku putih kilau keemasan
Kau pinta didodoikan rintikan hujan
Ku mampu rintih senandung kedukaan

Aduhai cenderawasih pintamu keterlaluan
Kau inginkan hamba kalungkan bulan
Kau kepinginkan kerabu dari bintang berkerdipan
Kau dambakan rantai untaian buih lautan

2005-07-01T22:40:00.000+08:00

Finally... and unfortunately... the vacation was over and we're back in school. This week went pretty well. Only bad thing is I still haven't finished so many of my holiday hw - A-Maths, 1 Eng summary, 2 Eng essays and 3 lit essays. They nearly cost my life! Err... Ok, not that bad lar... Haiz, I need to buck up, pull my socks to the chin and wake up from Fantasy Island to reality, that nothing will turn out right if you didn't do the right thing. I must revise! I must do all my hw! I must concentrate in class (though that's no problem for me, honestly)! I must make the necessary changes andsacrifices in my life! It's only 3 months! Wait, rephrase: *panic* There's only 3 months left before 'O' level!!!!!!!!!! I'm nuts to even be online now instead of completing some hw.

Sry, I must stop now. I have a lot to say, but not now. I'd gotta rush. I've lost the mood to write already. Besides, I think it's just aswell I get rest. I've been feeling feverish since yesterday, haiz... Opps, forgot I promised myself not to sigh. Nvm...

2005-06-25T17:17:00.000+08:00

I was just surfing the net (ya yar, eventhough I'm supposed to be finishing my hw, whatever) when I found this website on phobias. There's some funny types of phobias. But what I wanna point out is this: Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia aka Sesquipedalophobia. Guess what phobia is that? It's phobia for long words... The person would just die when being told the name of the phobia he has!! HONESTLY! I mean,"Oh sir. It's just a phobia, known as Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia..." THUNK, the guy drops dead. There's another one, phobia of phobia known as phobophobia. Lol. 3 phobias in a sentence.

2005-06-25T17:11:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... I think I need to make a lyrics webpage. Been listening to Perfect 10 too much and it'd be good to store up the lyrics on a webpage... Perhaps later. There's so many songs I like so much! Let's see, to name some:
Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous by Good Charlotte
Hold On by Good Charlotte
Too Serious Too Soon by Gareth Gates
Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day
Untitled by Simple Plan
One Last by Taufik Batisah
That's Why (You Go Away) by Jascha Richter
Inside Your Heaven by Carrie Underwood
Save Me (Smallville) by Remy Zero
Reach by S Club 7
The Reason by Hoobastank
Crash and Burn by Savage Garden
Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney
So confused by 2Play
Break Away by Kelly Clarkson

2005-06-25T16:27:00.000+08:00

Help! Help! It's Sat already and I still have a pile of homework!!! English and Lit lar... Make me so stressed and panicky. If not, I think I can finish up my last Maths paper. So many essays, so little time... Shi Yun, give me some of your hardworking traits le.

2005-06-23T00:39:00.000+08:00

Sweetie pinky!!! Haha, I'm in those 'pink' moods again! But still blue gal. Shall be blue gal forever! It's nearly 1 am and I can't believe my hyperactivity. Hmmz... too much sugar... Haha, remind me of Mdm Irma. Wonder how is she now...

Currently listening to Perfect 10. Waiting for 2 am that is... reflections time! Some of the reflections really touching. Like a few days ago, there's this story of a guy washing his car. Nearby sat a man, haggard looking and all, like a beggar. The guy washing his car noticed him watching his car and he asked, "Do you need help?" The man actually said, "Don't we all?" It's like pang! What he said is true. All of us do need help, one way or another.

Anyway, went to watch 'Mr & Mrs Smith' on Monday with Siti and Alia. Not a good time to go. I was fasting. I thought I'd just accompany them to TM and then I ended up in the queue and then sitting in the dark cinema. We were in the F row and I had a hell of a headache. It was hard to concentrate on the screen. I was moving around in my chair a lot! But yea, the movie was fantastic. Comedy cum action, not bad at all. Hmm... I realise Brad Pitt is hot haha. He and Angelina Jolie looks great together. They look like real couple, honest.

Wonder what time my bro will be home today... He always come home so late then talk on the phone laughing laughing till sun's out.

Haiz... Need to change layout again la. I'm getting tired of this 'darkness'. But get "Out of the darkness and into the sun". Opps, got carried away. Fav song currently: Break away by Kelly Clarkson. Must get a midi of that on my blog. Mononoke is getting on my nerve.

Hmm... guess I'd better get back to my A-Maths. Tataz, till next time frenz, till next time...

2005-06-11T22:12:00.000+08:00

I hate robots! It's so creepy and scary! Especially when it looks like human yet not human. Read this article here. Robots are much stronger. What if... What if one day they defeat humans and take over the world? Brr... Never wanna live to see that day...

2005-06-11T21:13:00.000+08:00

I... I... I CUT MY LONG SILKY BLACK/BROWN HAIR!!!! Yup I did! Shoulder-length, suddenly feels light-headed lol. Tie up also rather easy, don't have to pull so long. Of course I'm gonna miss my french braid and all but I had to do this. It's such a hot weather and long hair sometimes gets on my nerve, especially on bad hair days... So I just went to my mum's room and asked her to just snip away! I just can't believe I did that. Throughout dinner I was like, "I've cut my hair... I've cut my hair... Oh my God, I've cut my hair!!!" Hahaz... I feel so different but not so lar... From the front looks the same, just from the back there's no more hair hanging down my back! Goodbye long hair.

2005-06-06T17:09:00.000+08:00

Anybody out there who has a kind heart and would send me some REAL food?? Really man, I regret eating Zinger juz now. It's only fulfilling then and won't last longer than 2 hrs. Should have eaten some noodles or rice coz now at home there's practically no food I fancy. There's only rojak which I really don't like and cold briyani rice from yesterday's wedding. There's Maggi sure, but my mum don't allow me to cook it. Grr... I'm broke too lest I could go 7-eleven buy some junk food to satisfy my hungry stomach, aching body and tired mind. Donate some to me can?

2005-05-28T22:14:00.000+08:00

I hate Grandsazers!!!! The advertisement for its performance was damn sucky and yesterday I feel like throwing my plate at the tv when the ad was on!

Well, here's what happened... I was eating dinner at the small table in front of the tv. My mum was watching tv too while my dad using the comp and watching the small tv. I was chomping chomping when "Exams are over and the results are out!" I just froze there and then. My mum heard the words alright... Exams over... Results out... So there starts the interrogation.

I'm already so depressed. I know my position and I know what I should do in the June so-called hols. All this while I keep my report book with me all the way till the night before school reopen. I hate Grandsazers!!!! To its damn core!!!! Stupid stupid grandsazers!!!! Can't they just say the holidays are here or something!!!!! Grr... I could have sued the advertiser.

Haiz... yesterday's the last day of semester 1 and the last day of being in the MI room, I'll never forget such a memorable room where the class bonded so closely and where laughter and gloom and food and stationeries were shared. I'm gonna miss the aircon and the close arrangemenyts of the chairs. No matter how much I really hate to sit in front of Sharon (the juices of the fly is the main main reason), the others around me, especially Min Si made a difference. Oh well...

Since yesterday was the last day, it meant clean-up day and report book. 4R was supposed to clean Mr Tan's homeroom at 03-02 but there was so many of us and it's just too crowded. So off I went to HML room where Miss Nora asked my HML class to clean but it turns out Sec 1s were already appointed to do it so I just dusted some blinds (seeing a number of spiders as well, lucky I'm not arachnophobic) and went off to the MI room. I found a number of my classmates there, Chuan Li, Marcus, Valerie, Tallie, Emily, Karen, Rusy and some other boys. It was already sparkling clean but I insisted on going into the room for one last time so Rusy and I removed our footwear and trotted inside to find every corner clean which leaves us with exactly nothing to do.

So I went out and took the job of changing the pailwater with Valerie at the girls' changing room. There was one part where Hengky forgot to remove one cloth and neither Val nor me dipped our hands in the murky water to check for 'drowned' cloth and so we just poured out the water into an open water hole. Pour, pour, pour and suddenly PLOP! I was stunned for a moment. "What was that??" I asked Val. I thought it was a frog or something but Val knew what it was and was already calling out for Hengky. I looked into the hole and there is was, a cloth. I was still rooted in the cubicle when Val ran out back to the MI room screaming "Hengky!!!!!!" all the way. It was so funny! I sounded like she's calling out her boyfriend whom she hadn't seen for years, but of course la in actual fact she was fuming at Hengky for not checking properly.

That was such a funny part, but thsat's not all! It seems that MI room only has happy memories for us, other than a funny smell at times near the center of the room. I was just standing outside the room with Val, barefooted. We can't go in the room cause our feet's dirty, so we just stood outside. Rusy and Karen were doing some dance steps. Karen was remembering all the funny times they'd had during dance. What she didn't realize was that we all were watching her and she was soooo funny. Marcus caught it on video and watching it again makes us laugh so hard. At one time, two Sec 5 boys saw her and gave her the 'look' and she was so embarrassed and we laughed. Those were the last few minutes of the MI room.

It was noon and we headed back to our homeroom to get our results. Really, I was sooooooooooo disappointed! I was 30th in class yes, that's somewhat an achievement and I passed my overall percentage BUT I failed three subjects, E8 being the lowest and my L1R5 could get me nowhere if those were my O level results. I really felt smacked in the face...

Anyway, I've got 3 last papers to sit for tomorrow for my religious class before I can start whatever I wanna do. Wish me luck! I've been doing well for my religious class and I wish to keep it that way!

2005-05-26T17:55:00.000+08:00

Sigh... Sigh... Sigh... My grades are so bad... From two subjects, now I have 3 (wait, I think 4) subjects fail already... So sad... Many people are improving or at least on the same level as before but me? I'm drowning deep deep into the water. I really hope my slow swimming would bring me to the surface again. I need the air... I need my A1s... By the way, anyone feel like making a study group? I'm thinking about it, but... I'm not sure it'll work for me... Well, off to... I guess study, cyaz!

P.S. Congrats Carrie for being crowned America's 4th Idol!

2005-05-12T20:19:00.000+08:00

Finally! Physics is over!! I'm soooooooo darn glad. Actually, the paper was rather ok. Can pass lar and honestly, I'm just looking for a pass in physics. I've received back 2 pprs already: A-Maths and English P2, both... well sucks. I failed both. I wonder what I'm gonna fail next. English P2 we got it back today. When I saw my marks, I was just like, "Expected Expected..." What else can you expect when you stupidly, idiotically, whateverly do summary first instead of Passage B and completely left it out except for 2 Qns??! That *(out of adjectives, my vocab's so bad)* hard summary took up like 1 hour of my preciousssss time. Grrrr.... Ok, stop, I shall not dwell on it.

After being in the specially privellegious (ermz...) MI room, I feel the class has really united. We're more than a class. I like the feeling, like so secure... Aiya, I'm tired standing since just now already, gonna go study now and then watch tv. I need to destress... Cyaz!

2005-05-07T09:53:00.000+08:00

I... forgot how to walk... Oh well, after one week limping cause of tendon strain, now I simply have to learn how to walk again. I feel like a baby man! Actually my leg ok already (after the doctor PAINFULLY twisted it back) but because I forgot how I used to walk, I still limp. Haiz... Monday, Tuesday. Wednesday I could walk. But Thursday, even lying on my bed quietly was so painful! I tossed and turned from 5 - 9 a.m. before I went to see to the doctor with so many staring eyes directed at me. I feel like staring back at them and demanding, "What see see, jealous izzit?" But well, can't really blame them. How many people my age walk like I did, honestly?

I've been feeling so depressed lately. The common tests were near hell and after I sit for the papers, I know for sure that I'm gonna fail. I didn't have time to finish for all my papers. That makes time management my main problem. Second would be last minute studying. I really need to pull up my socks (all the way to my head) if I wanna get to MJC or TJC. I must do something, REAL SOON! Most of my friends are doing much better than me. Class tests, NAPFA and all. Yes there are people doing not as well as me, but still... We received our A-Maths paper already and... eventhough I improved, I failed only by two marks and some of my marks were gone because of careless mistakes but... I know I could have done better if I'd studied earlier and practised. That was like the easiest paper I sat for and yet, I failed... But I know I can do it. I just need some time and someone who can push me into doing my work.

Home alone now... My dad's at work and so is my second brother. My eldest brother at Mendaki and my mum at a Mothers' Day function. Oh well... There's my malicious black cat, Malice 'keeping me company' by running away the second she catches sight of me.

My comp's just been reformatted because it's was infected by so many viruses. There goes my lovely files and pictures... So sad, but the reformat was necessary.

I dunno whether I should cut my hair or not. With short hair, I can wash it everyday and not the routine 3 times a week. I'd feel much lighter and not so burdened by so many things. But with long hair, I can style it however I want it to be like. Just letting it loose feels so great. Maybe it's just that I fear I'd look funny with a haircut. My schoolmates remember me with long hair. I cut my hair in Sec 1 and has been keeping it ever since. I'm in Sec 4 now, it should be about 3 years already. I wanted to just cut my hair after my 'O' levels but almost everyone is cutting their hair and they look nice and fresh. I've always wanted to have the longest hair in class and I've achieved that in my Malay class. In my form class, only Christine has hair as long as if not longer than mine. I dunno larz...

After 16 years on Earth, I've yet to find something I'm talented in. I can't play any musical instrument fluently, I can't sing nor dance nor act well. I can't write poems or stories. I can't even talk spontaneously fluently. I don't even do well in my studies. I really have no idea what I wanna be when I grow up. Ok, maybe I do have some ideas, but can I achieve them. I don't really believe much in chance.

Conclusion: I'm so insignificant! I live my life because I have to. I'm just following the flow of each day.

I'm gonna study Chem now. I wanna get at least one distinction... Happy Belated Birthday Fazillah and Sharon... Happy Birthday Si Hui... Happy Early Birthday Marcus...

2005-05-02T00:20:00.000+08:00

Haiz... Me always like this... Got new things, abandon the old... My poor bloggy, I post at class blog forgot to post at my own bloggy larling. Eee... Why me like that?? Sowie sowie, hehe...

Photobucket

2005-04-29T00:21:00.000+08:00

This is a test post from Photobucket.com

2005-04-16T22:14:00.000+08:00

No.. no... NO!!!! How can common test be so near?? Next week start already?? I don't even know what are the topics coming out! Geez... Monday and Wednesday... Higher Malay... *slashes throat**blood spills TERRIBLY* Haiz... Look on the bright side, I'll be watching Boeing Boeing on Tuesday (yes.. a day before HML P2) and I'll be performing the 10 min play in front of the gym on Friday. The Angel's coming! Lol, in case you are unaware, I'm the angel in the play. Anyway, how can I forget this, I finally got a trophy in Sec school yesterday! It's a CCA award! Woo hoot! I'm so so so glad! I really feel like a winner somewhat hehe. One more thing, how could I forget to mention this, I got to talk to (erm... smsed) Fazillah a few weeks ago and it feels so nice getting to know her again! I regarded her my best friend last time, but now eh... I don't really remember what she likes and stuff. Recently I got to know her birthday is coming, but I don't have anything for her! Haiz, Mothers' Day's coming and basically broke. Well, I gotta go now if I want to START doing some homework. I've been reading peribahasa all day. That reminds me, need to visit my Malay teacher's website for HML help. Cyaz fellaz!

2005-04-14T22:42:00.000+08:00

BOEING BOEING !T!H!U!N!K! Hahaz... 3/4 of my class were at Victoria theatre to watch 'Boeing Boeing' and I'm not part of the crowd. Know why? Cause... 1) ELDDS priority since I paid more for it 2) I'm not sure if there'd be ticket for me if I go since I told Mr Tan I'm not going with the class 3) Too exhausted since it's the fifth day after I got a well-rested sleep (which always falls on Saturday only) 4) I have SS SBQ which I haven't do. By the way... I still haven't do the SBQ. I just don't understand what the question looks for! Being me, I gave up on it and went on to finish E-Maths transformation (I still haven't hand in haiz...), which also I didn't finish cause I got stuck. In short, I've done N-O-T-H-I-N-G since I reached home, which makes me so depressed! I idle my time away and I really regret it each time!!! But I don't know what to do... Wah! Really, I broke down on ... eh I forgot when... but this week larz. Then, I spent the following days putting on a brave front but I'm actually squirming under my skin. I know I'm gonna fail the E-Maths test this morning (which I must agree is the ...

Sorry, I just broke down again. I can't take it! My stress when mixed with cigarette smoke gives an ExpLoSioN ok! Oh and when mixed with my mum's nagging I'm simply blasted to smithereens... Can't they UNDERSTAND what I'm going through and HELP me?? Can't they even provide a condusive place for me to study?? Once in a while I hear the clicks of the lighter and my heart just starts to beat faster. I can never forget what I went through when I got the lung infection in Pri 5 and I'd definitely not want to go through it again. I keep seeing the images of bleeding brain, clogged blood vessels and infections everywhere in the organs due to smoking. I hate the smoke so much that I despise it, detest it!

continued... easiest test we've had since Sec 4 started) because I panicked and forgot how to do stretch and shear. Like WHAT-THE- Grrr... After the test, I simply take a look in my exercise book and I told myself, "There goes half your marks..." I feel so demoralised, help? Please?

I think I'd better go offline and write my SBQ. I must show some product at the end of today to make up for not being able to join my classmates to watch 'Boeing Boeing'. I feel so !T!H!U!N!K!E!D! Hahaz... I wanna cry, scream and shout out load. I need someone to take off the burden on my shoulders. I don't want to grow shorter...

2005-04-11T23:45:00.000+08:00

I'm soooooooooooooooooooooo stressed! I'm on the verge of tears again. I was just planning on doing maths when Siti reminded me of SS file. Sheesh... I haven't do corrections for last week's SEQ, how?? Wah!!! Help me...

2005-04-11T19:02:00.000+08:00

I... I... I passed my 2.4! In fact, I got a D! How cool is cool cool? Hehe, I'm very happy when I heard I got 16.59. Not bad for people like me who always fail or get an E only you know... Okla, that's all I wanna post today. I don't wish to write about my misery for the public to read. Haiz... Tomorrow got ELDDS... Gotta go now, tataz!

2005-04-10T20:12:00.000+08:00

Homework... Help... It's late Sunday... I'm doomed...

Haiz, I played all day, no work. Really, I MUST WAKE UP before it's too late... Anyway, changed a lil here and there on my blog. The song you notice is the same, just faster. And I found the lyrics!

Haritsumeta yumi no
Furueru tsuru yo
Tsuki no hikari ni, zawameku
Omae no kokoro

Togisumasareta
Yaiba no utsukushii
Sono kissaki ni yoku nita
Sonata no yokogao

Kanashimi to ikari ni
Hisomu makoto no kokoro
Wo shiru wa, mori no sei
Mononoke tachi dake, mononoke tachi dake...

I've been singing it for two whole days! By the way, yesterday I divided my hair into six portions, then I braided them neatly, though it looks a little horrible. But then today I released the braids, I look a cross between Hermione Granger and ABBA singer. My hair was sooooo frizzy! But it felt nice as if I have really thick hair so I decided to braid again. It's much neater now, I wonder how it'll be tomorrow... Cya tomorrow pals!

2005-04-08T18:58:00.000+08:00

Friday again! It's both good and bad... Good because I've survived a whole week of torturous homework. But, bad because it means I'm getting closer and closer to 'O's and I'm juz... FREAKING OUT BUT DOING NOTHING!!! No... I want good grades, I wanna get to Meridian, I wanna take subjects that I WANT, I wanna excel, I wanna get on to NUS and pursue my dream to be a doctor. But all I can say is, FAT CHANCE LAZY HEN! Haiz... What's my problem?? I'm not even myself in school. I'm so distanced from and hostile towards my friends. I know I'm being really quiet these days and I can't say I know the reasons to it. It is possible that I think talking does not serve any purpose but just waste my time. It is also possible that deep inside I long to be free, to fly through the clouds and just get loose. I feel so tied down! I want some adventurous stuff. As in outdoors rather rough kinda adventures like abseiling, snorkeling or gliding in the sky, sliding across ice, flying in a hotair balloon. Those kinda stuff... I really want them. One more thing, this morning I saw an aeroplane flying somewhere above the school. As I watched it fly higher and higher, I really wished I was in it. I can't remember what's it like being in an aeroplane or even a boat!!! Haiz... I really want these wishes fulfilled. Hmm... I just have this sudden thought, what if I die tomorrow? Dunno why, it just came across my mimnd. Nevermind about it, I don't want to know the answer to it just yet. I don't want to live for an eternity or what, I just hope I'd die a Muslim... Cya some other time guyz, oh and happy birthday Shida! :)